Who Are You?

Have you ever wanted to change your name?  Redefine who you are to the world?  It's not as simple as one would think.

In one of my graduate psychology courses, we explore who we are in relation to others.    My astute professor was not going to let me off easy.

She asks:
Do you prefer Pat or Patricia?  We'll find out just in time before group is over.  I think we really should be called by our "true name", whatever we wish that to be.

I think to myself:
My God, it's worse than she thinks.  She doesn't even know about Patty.

I answer:

So wise you are, that we should be called by our "true name". I'm finding mine.

    For the first 35 years of my life, I was Patty.  When I started a new job in 1985, I felt that "Patty" was far too diminutive for my level of maturity. It stuck to my tongue like taffy when I said it with my last name.  I became "Pat Mothner".  This carried me into my career-climbing stage.  Then, in 2012, when I entered graduate school in psychology, I was seeking a new beginning.  I had separated from my husband, but kept my last name -- my family remained so much a part of me.  However, I was in a process of redefining who I was. This was my chance to introduce myself differently.  

So, now I have old friends who would still call me Patty. I have my newer friends and professional friends calling me Pat.  I have graduate school friends knowing me as Patricia.  I am different things to different people.  (So much for integration!)

But sometimes we forget who we are trying to be.  We forget once to edit our automatic email signatures, or we slip during an introduction.  Somehow, my other name surfaced. The past always reenters the stage, no matter how good the set design.   It's like a liar finding it hard to keep his stories straight. Well, I certainly want to get my story straight.  I certainly do need a name, one name, that is me.  

The truth is, I don't know who I am really --Patty, Pat or Patricia.  "Patty" is sweet and earnest. " Pat" is competent and nurturant.  I've already been Patty; I've certainly established myself as a "Pat". But -- how I would like to become "Patricia"!  "Patricia" is creative, expressive, gracefully mature, spiritual and passionate.  I'm not there yet.  I am still Patty, and  I am still Pat.  I'm becoming Patricia.

You're right to ask me about my name.  We can learn a load of facts, but the one thing we really need to know is who we are.   

Sincerely,

P Mothner